i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
