Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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