talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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