I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
