I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
