Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
