don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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