i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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