Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just high enough for therapy.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
