his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
