You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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