Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
