You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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