My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
