What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
