Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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