You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Randomize
