no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
