god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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