I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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