We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
