So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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