Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
