So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I deserve this hangover.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
