dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
