The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
