C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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