After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
