We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
