just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
