we made out on top of his cat.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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