did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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