Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Boobs speak an international language.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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