...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
