I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
