Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
