I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
