if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
