I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I can't put those talents on a resume
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
