Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
