craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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