before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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