Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
