So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
