What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
