I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
