Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
