can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
