I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
