you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
