I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
