I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
