I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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