I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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