I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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