Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
